Do you belong to the Ill be happy when brigade?

Are you, and those around you, constantly looking to some future event, or change in circumstances, for your own happiness? And if so, do you realise how damaging to your long term mental health this kind of comment can be?

Listen to yourself for a day and make a note of the times you say in conversation, Ill be happy when or something similar.

Suppose you come up with a list something like:

Ill be happy when the kids are in full time education.

Id just be happy if hed stop smoking

Ill be glad when Ive found another job, or

Id be happy if I could lose 20lb.

These are common enough statements and ones that on the face of it seem harmless, conveying anticipation of a better emotional state soon to be enjoyed. But look at the implications; all of these statements are subconsciously conveyed simultaneously:

Im not happy now

Im miserable because I dont like my life circumstances

My happiness depends on those circumstances changing.

In each case, you are subconsciously programming yourself, NOT to be happy, until those conditions are met. So if your kids are two years away from full time education, youre telling your subconscious to make you miserable for the next two years. Similarly, youre telling yourself to be miserable until youve found another job, until your partner stops smoking, or until you lose 20lb.

Add to this the fact that these kinds of comments actually decrease your chances of finding another job or losing 20lb, and that you have no control over another persons decision to quit a destructive habit, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Why?

because if you are giving yourself instructions to be miserable until you find another job, you are going to perform at less than your best at interview.

If you are telling yourself to be miserable until you reach your target weight, your chances of comfort eating and lounging around the house are going to be higher than your chances of eating healthily and exercising daily. And if youre telling yourself Id be happy if I could, youre silently telling yourself that you dont believe you can!

But worst of all, if you pin your hopes of happiness on someone else conforming to your standards, you are handing over responsibility for your mental health to another human being, and that can never be good.

So next time you catch yourself starting a sentence, Ill be happy when stop and think.

Do you really want to be miserable that long?

Try re-phrasing that to:

Im looking forward to the kids entering full time education

Hed be healthier if he stopped smoking,

Im looking for another job, or

Im fast approaching my target weight.

Happiness is a choice, not a mood. It does not depend on external circumstances, or events, and need not only be felt when some invisible checklist is complete. If you want to experience higher levels of happiness, give yourself permission to be happy with things as they are first.

You might want to change things in your life, and Im not suggesting that you shouldnt. But dont make your happiness contingent on those changes; make it something you own outright.

Gail Seymour

Gail Seymour is a published Poet and Award Winning Web Site Designer, who currently runs payinghobby.com.

Gail doesn't believe people should work long hours, commute, and generally slave for a wage, and have only a few precious hours each week to spare for their passions and pastimes.

"People should do what they love and love what they do on a day to day basis." She says with a passion of her own. "I truly believe the distinction between work and pleasure is one we should all move towards obliterating. We shouldn't think 'I have to go to work in a miserable place with miserable people who I can't wait to get away from because I have bills to pay and that's the only way to make a living.' It's not."

"It's just the way we've all been conditioned to think. And the great thing is, we can choose to change the way we think, and we can choose to make a better life for ourselves."

So just what is Gail's suggestion? Surely she can't be advocating mass walk-outs?

"Of course not," She laughs, "But wouldn't that just be so much fun? Everyone turning to the boss and telling him they quit, all at once?"

"No, seriously though, we all have an inbuilt urge to create, and to share our creations. We all need to contribute to our community in a way that adds value to the group, but that also gives us room to grow and play. We don't stop needing to express ourselves just because we turn 16, or leave school, or whatever."

And just how are we supposed to fulfil this need, we wonder?

"You just have to find your passion." There's that word again, passion. "Work out what makes you truly happy, and find a way to turn that into a productive enterprise." Gail says, adding, "For some it's obvious, if you love photography or flower arranging for example, but others may need to be a little more creative. Maybe you love rock pooling or star gazing," she says, "in which case your income generating options may not seem initially obvious. But there's always a way," she adds ?to make it pay, if you just think long and hard enough. That?s where I come in.?

To find your passion and start your own journey towards personal fulfilment, visit payinghobby.com today and sign up for her free newsletter.