Back during the Gilded Age we had immigrants, robber barrens, Republicans, Democrats, Halfbreeds, and Mugwumps. Industry boomed. Railroads cut their way across the land. John D. Rockefeller got rich in oil. Andrew Carnegie made his dough in steel. They were the happy-go-lucky robber barrens. (The robber barrens got rich through ruthless business tactics.) I learned that the voter turnout for presidential elections was 78% of registered voters. I leaned that at: http://cchs.churchill.k12.nv.us/billettj/Sumary%20of%20Political%20Parties.htm The Gilded Age had critics. Its best to look at the political cartoons to learn this: http://history.osu.edu/Projects/USCartoons/GAPECartoons.htm You should never mention cartoons in an article and show how to find them. Now Ive lost half of my readers! Oh, here they come drifting back. Most are laughing. During the Gilded Age both political parties were pro-business. They did not want to rock the boat and spent lots of time sipping coffee. State governments slacked off too. The Republicans had the House and the Democrats had the Senate. Everybody was happy! The other day I was talking to Fernando Hideaway in front of our National Capital. Fernando is a Capital guard. I said, Hi, Fernando! Whats up? Fernando said, Who are you and how do you know my name? I laughed and said, Im a Cuban spy. Castro sent me. Fernando, unsmiling, lifted his handy-dandy radio and said, Ive got a nut over here, Charlie. Maybe you better give me a hand. A voice crackled back but I could not decipher it. I said, I read your name on your badge and Im not a Cuban spy and Castro didnt send me. He said, I know that. You're a nut! In contrast to Fernandos short squat appearance, Charlie stood about a foot over my head. He was as thin as a bamboo rug rod. I said, Lakers? Charlie had a very deep voice. I thought it might be high pitched. (Okay, Im sorry for the pun!) Charlie said, Heat! Fernando was tired of me. He started twitching. He said, What do you want, Nut? I said, Im Taylor Jones, the hack writer. Charlie said, That explains it, Fernando. Im going back to my station. I said, Fernando, you know whats going on in Washington. Why is the Senate shut down? How the hell do I know, answered Fernando. Maybe somebody got a new great granddaughter and theyre passing out cigars. I said, Fernando, dont you wish we were back in the Gilded Age when we had immigrants, robber barrens, Republicans, Democrats, Halfbreeds, and Mugwumps. He said, Where have you been? We have all of those except the Halfbreeds and Mugwumps, whatever the hell they are. I told Fernando that the Halfbreeds and Mugwumps were Republican Party splinter groups. They wanted to get the corruption out of the Republican Party. Fernando said, That was a noble cause. But who could remove corruption from the Democratic Party? Maybe the Halfbreeds and Mugwumps should reorganize. The Halfbreeds could work on the Democratic Party and the Mugwumps could work on the Republican Party. I said, Fernando, you have taken the words right out of my mouth. Before I could finish what I had to say, his radio beeped. He ran off towards the Senate Chambers. He said, Sorry! Theres a fist fight in the Chamber! Thats when I got out my leaflets and started passing them around. The pink ones invited folks to come to the reorganization meeting for the Halfbreeds. The green ones invited folks to the reorganization meeting for the Mugwumps. They were going like hotcakes! CopyrightJohn T. Jones, Ph.D. 2005 |
