Q. When you consult with a family with teens, what are the typical bottom-line issues?

A. Not surprisingly, the bottom line issues for parents are very different than the bottom line issues for the teen.

For the parents, the bottom line issues look something like this:

They see the kid they raised from an infant changing right before their eyes, usually getting more and more out of control. Their concerns can run through a whole range of problems - from slipping grades, bad attitudes and little or no communication all the way to depression, running away or drugs.

The bottom line is that the parents are scared, and they want their nice kid back.

For the teens, the bottom line issues usually look something like this:

"If Mom and Dad would just get off my back and trust me, everything would be OK. I'm not a little kid anymore!"

The bottom line is: "I just want to be more and more in charge of myself!"

One useful tip for both sides is to learn to pick your battles.

For the parents, not every issue needs to be a battle for control.

For the teens, not every issue has to be a battle for independence.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com