The snow was getting heavier with each lift of the shovel. My back ached, and I was chilled to the bone.

Id had enough for one day.

I entered the house and heard the sounds of voices engaged in a friendly game of cards. My wife and kids were sprawled out on the floor of the family room, and they were oblivious to my arrival. Hi guys! I yelled. There was no answer. Hi there! I tried again. You cant use that card! I heard my daughter shriek.

Then the thoughts started to come. Im invisible to them! I told myself. All the stuff I do around here, and does anybody notice it? Im working my tail off again, and theyre in here playing! As I went downstairs, I took along some heavy baggage with me.

I took blame with me, and a sense of feeling justified in my blame. My wife and kids were to blame. In my victim-filled mind, they should have been there at the door to greet me with hugs and kisses. They should have been filled with adoration at the wonderful job I did on the driveway. And they should have taken me right to the couch, where a back massage and warm food would comfort me. (The fantasies of victims can be pretty wild!)

I cant say that I felt good blaming them, but I did feel justified. And for those of us who occasionally feel victimized by our families, feeling justified can be plenty. It allows us to feel right, while theyre wrong, and it allows us to prove how worthy of blame they are.

Once again in my role as a father, Id made the fundamental error. The error that prevents us from being who we were meant to be.

Id gone into my head, and away from my heart.

I was expecting my family to give me love. You know, the love that I was owed. Fortunately, love doesnt work that way. Id forgotten that I wasnt a parent to give or get love. Our job as parents is to discover love as the fundamental fact of life. It is to bring this expression of our love into the world. Its more a matter of being love than giving it.

Parents across the world have reason to be grateful, for weve all embarked on the worlds most complete and intensive course on love. While we may resist it at times, were called virtually every day to express the deep reservoir of love within us. And sometimes, because were busy blaming others, we miss the call completely.

Fathers go through periods when they feel outside of their family. They feel neglected, or they feel invisible. Or, they feel like theyre just a paycheck to their families. But whats really happened is theyve forgotten theyre not on this planet to get love from their family members.

Theyre here to discover the boundless love thats always been in them.

I calmed down my thoughts and emerged from my victims dungeon. Hey Dad, want to play some cards? my son called. I dropped myself down onto the ground next to my family. Sure, whats the game?

My back was feeling better already.