Have an agenda in the man department? Most women do. It isn't necessarily a bad thing. Women have had an agenda since Eve ate fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. Men either get an agenda of their own, or deal with it. Simply put, men have their own manipulative reasons for wanting a relationship.

Relationship scavenger Mark S. once revealed that men would not get married if sex were not an issue outside wedlock. As insulting as this thought may be, women have used this ploy to obtain the valued document for centuries. And, it works. Marriage is a status symbol for women, and men get sex.

Raise your hand if you think one or the other gets short changed?

I suppose logically, you could argue that men are short changed if they don't get all the sex they want, or get satisfied by means of achieving sexual prowess. Or, by the same token, women are quite possibly unequally yoked if their man is a bit less ambitious? Regardless, the reality is that men and women choose their own boundaries, set their own goals, and often screw up relationships by settling for less than God's best for themselves.

A man who focuses his interest on the woman who puts out prior to marriage often beats a dead horse; because she's been putting out to catch a man, not keep one. A woman who seeks a man who gives her gifts and benefits prior to marriage, often gets one who treats her like an old comfortable shoe afterward, because he was giving to get, not to keep, too.

Angel R. explained that giving away the milk before the man buys the cow is a dangerous habit to get into, because a man who has free milk need to feed no cow. Functional relationships prior to marriage are based on quality communication and loving consideration, and should be the same after marriage, according to her years of experience in living.

Laura L. suggests dating men for two years and testing them in every possible way prior to hitting the alter on your knees.

Savor the process of building a relationship, allow your love for each other to grow naturally, and take responsibility for the role you choose to live. If you want to be catered too, remember what you have to pay. If you want control, be prepared to pick up the tab.

Copyright 2005 - Jan Verhoeff

Jan Verhoeff

Somewhere between college and life, Jan began to focus on other people. Her intense need to feel accomplishment in her life drove her to finding a deeper contentment than just existing in the hoot 'n holler of southeastern Colorado. While the beauty of the prairie never escaped her eye for color and beauty, the intensity of her desire kept her moving ever onward.

Summers in Michigan and Tennessee brought her closer to something, but it wasn't until much later, as an adult, mother of four that she began to understand that her need for accomplishment included sharing what she had learned along the way. It also meant that her talent for painting the dream and writing her thoughts had a lot to do with her accomplishments.

She began to focus on actually writing down her thoughts and ideas in journals, revealing her prayer thoughts and life events. Bits of paper became treasures of memory, and a notebook became an outlet of hope and a step of faith. Jan put her thoughts on paper, and began to publish them, where she found opportunity, including various magazines, trade journals, and local publications. Her interests in business and new enterprise became a resounding outlet for her talent, and wisdom for those who sought it. Jan's interest in business development became her trademark, resulting in her first book publication in !992, "Building a Business: From Scratch". This 22 page booklet was published by a local printer in a vertical brochure format, selling more than a thousand copies nation wide. It has resurfaced in college classes as the basis for college term papers, graduate thesis, and research documents for small business courses over the past 13 years.

Seeking more diverse outlets for her talents, Jan most recently has written several short stories published in various books, including: "Stories for the Trail" with the Lamar Writer's Group, "Prickly Points of Life" a combination poetry/short story collection of Jan's work, and "Coffee Clatter" a bound collection of written works originally published in a newsletter published by her daughter, Brenna, as a Sophomore Year Project when she was homeschooling at Buchanan Academy.

More recently her work is available in a newsletter she publishes weekly via email, and various blogs listed on the right side of this page.

You may contact Jan at: janverhoeff@yahoo.com